Lisagor: Top 20 things not to say
It pays to take time to consider the consequences of careless remarks.
There is an old Buddhist saying that “wisdom comes from one’s mind, while misfortune comes from one’s mouth.” Some of my most painful memories are of times when I let my emotions or deranged sense of humor drive my words as opposed to taking time to collect all the facts about a situation or, more importantly, think about the possible consequences of my utterances. So you won’t have to retract your words — as I have — here are 20 comments enlightened managers would be well advised not to make. If this tongue-in-cheek list helps even one person avoid a painful experience, this column will have been worthwhile. “Would you like anything else to read?” “Have you seen the classified document I left on the copier?” “Are you retiring anytime soon?” “Did you happen to see the piece of paper with my password written on it?” “Don’t we get any credit for awarding to the lowest bidder?” “With all the suspected cost overruns and software problems, I don’t think I should comment at this time.” “Make my coffee black with a little sugar, and be quick about it.” “Any way I could be the first one out?” “Oops! We’ll get to those Exhibit 300s next year. Really. I promise. Honest.” “Could you please pay attention?” “For all the good your idea was, you might as well take a gun and shoot that computer.” “Have you ever actually written any code?" “Is that a bottle of Geritol?” “Can I mention global warming in this column?” “$1 million for e-government initiatives? How generous.” “Will Vista work on all our Macs or just the newer ones?”“Since I’ve starting telecommuting, I’ve had much more free time.”“Can I order a few thousand dumb terminals?” “Could you explain your egocentric architecture one more time?”(This happened to me. It was scary!) “Bet your bark is worse than your byte!”() f .
1. To the General Services Administration auditor:
2. To your security officer:
3. To your boss:
4. To your network administrator:
5. To the congressional committee:
6. To the Federal Computer Week reporter:
7. To the new contractor:
8. To the disaster recovery coordinator:
9. To the Office of Management and Budget:
10. To a four-star general:
11. To a former Marine programmer:
12. To the chief information officer:
13. To the Cobol programmer:
14. To some high-level officials in the Bush administration:
15. To the congressional finance committee chairman:
16. To the Microsoft sales representative:
17. To your agency supervisor:
18. To your Dell laptop sales representative:
19. To any Defense Department chief information officer:
20.& nbsp; To the armed and nervous 18-year-old computer facility security guard at 2 a.m. outside a remote Army installation:
Lisagor lisagor@celerityworks.comounded Celerity Works in 1999 to help government and industry executives accelerate business growth and manage risk. He co-founded the FCW Events annual government PM Summit. His book, “The Enlightened Manager,” can be downloaded for free atwww.celerityworks.com
1. To the General Services Administration auditor:
2. To your security officer:
3. To your boss:
4. To your network administrator:
5. To the congressional committee:
6. To the Federal Computer Week reporter:
7. To the new contractor:
8. To the disaster recovery coordinator:
9. To the Office of Management and Budget:
10. To a four-star general:
11. To a former Marine programmer:
12. To the chief information officer:
13. To the Cobol programmer:
14. To some high-level officials in the Bush administration:
15. To the congressional finance committee chairman:
16. To the Microsoft sales representative:
17. To your agency supervisor:
18. To your Dell laptop sales representative:
19. To any Defense Department chief information officer:
20.& nbsp; To the armed and nervous 18-year-old computer facility security guard at 2 a.m. outside a remote Army installation:
Lisagor lisagor@celerityworks.comounded Celerity Works in 1999 to help government and industry executives accelerate business growth and manage risk. He co-founded the FCW Events annual government PM Summit. His book, “The Enlightened Manager,” can be downloaded for free atwww.celerityworks.com
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